Chapter 13, Doubt

*~~Miranda~~*

Failure.

Tenso had to send in another team.

Raenton had lost an arm.

Charlotte, and the rest of them, had almost died.

What a leader she was.

Their first mission had failed. Big time. First impressions are important, and she had destroyed hers and the other girls’. Everyone would think they weren’t good enough. Ea-Eae, Tenso and Ingya hadn’t helped when they said it didn’t matter, it wasn’t rare, at least they hadn’t died. It was their first time, they would do better next time. Yes, they hadn’t died, but she had been daydreaming about how they aced the whole mission and everyone congratulated them. Saying how good they were, how awesome they had handled that and that situation and that they really had helped people.

They had been home for three days, but they hadn’t contacted each other. Just added each other on Facebook. Miranda hadn’t done much during the three days. Her room had been finished while she had been, and her dad and the fake her, had come a long way on their home. She thought it was weird that the fake had done exactly as she would’ve done.

When she came home the fake had touched her forehead and disappeared. Miranda had gotten all the fake’s memories and knew exactly what had happened, when it happened, how it happened and what had been said. It had been very uncomfortable, everything had come into her head at once and giving her a bad headache. She had even needed to sit down. She dreaded the moment when she had to feel it again. To go on missions again…She didn’t feel motivated at all.

She went out to the kitchen, her dad was out doing, well, she didn’t know what he did. She took an apple, took a bite and looked out the window. It was raining. Yay. She went back to her room instead and turned on the computer. She didn’t know what to do, so she just went in on Facebook. Annie Steel was single, George Martin complained about complainers, Rose Wyle was bored and Hannah Adams had sent her a message.

 Hello,

I have been thinking that maybe we should meet up somewhere private to talk and practice. 

What do you think? 

Three people had already answered.

I agree. 

Charlotte.

You don’t have to be so polite. But yes, I agree, too. How about tomorrow at two, or 

something? 

Arabella.

How about in the woods just out of town? Hannah and Arbell practiced there before, right? 

And Wilma. Miranda decided to answer.

Works for me. And if everyone is available let’s meet at the woods at two. But can someone come and show me the way? I live at...

She didn’t want to go, but if someone should go, it should be her, right? She was the leader. The leader should be strong. The strongest. “Strong Leader.” She wasn’t a strong leader, she had no right to be called that. She did really not feel like going.

Natalie had come to pick her up, and the two of them had been the last to arrive.

“Now that-that everyone’s here, let’s practice.” Hannah began unsteadily. “We need to become better, don’t we?”

“Yeah,” Miranda said. She took pride in being the leader and wasn’t that happy with Hannah taking the lead. “We need to become faster and much better. Any suggestions?”

They were at it for hours. Their results differed, though, Hannah had improved pretty much, she had become faster, while Wilma hadn’t made much progress at all. She could still hardly transform things into weapons or shields, and when she succeeded it didn’t go fast.

“How about meeting here tomorrow again?” Miranda suggested. They had to practice as much as possible before the next mission and before the Holiday’s end.

“Sure.” Arabella said.

“I can’t come.” Eleanor said. “I’ve got to do this thing at home.”

“What thing?” Wilma asked.

“A thing.” Eleanor answered.

“The same time tomorrow, then?” Wilma asked.

After about a week they had all improved. Miranda felt relieved, they might have a bigger chance of actually fighting back next time. Her dad was happy she had found friends, but he didn’t ask how. Shouldn’t a parent ask how their kid got friends when he or she hadn’t gone out? Well, the fake hadn’t gone out. Miranda was happy she had found friends, too, she had been a little worried about that, she could be fine on her own (she thought, at least), but it was always better with someone beside you. She started thinking about the town where they had lived before. She shook her head violently to make the thoughts disappear; she didn’t need to think about those people now. She opened the first drawer in her desk, took out the little pink book with a picture of a cat on the cover and slammed it as hard as she could on the floor. She quickly picked it up, she had to remember that they lived in an apartment now. Instead she threw it back down in the drawer and closed it as hard as she dared, hard enough for it to make a high sound and sat down on the bed with her head in her hands, took a deep breath and went out to the kitchen; there were still things to pack up.

*~~Arabella~~*

She had just come home from today’s practice, and every time they practiced it was hard for her, one of the other girls had to be a volunteer. And, surprise, surprise, they didn’t like the feeling. Lately she’d felt like nothin’ could stop her, that she was almost invincible. ‘Course she knew it wasn’t true, but she knew she would do better on the next mission. She had to do better, actually. She didn’t want to be captured, drugged and almost killed again. It was strange, not knowin’ what’d happened. She could only remember so little, she hardly understood a thing. Ea-Eae and others had at least told them what’d happened, it felt so strange to not remember a moment like that. She felt herself become angry. She didn’t like to be tricked and made a fool out of. She was also angry at herself for being doing so stupid things and getting captured like that. Twice. And not to mention the fact that she was scared of going to another world. She hated herself for it.

Another weird thing was that copy of her. It had been really creepy to get memories of things you feel you’ve experienced, but you know you didn’t. Every time she started to think ‘bout it she had to stop, she just got confused. The same thing happened when she thought of things like: ‘What was before the Bing Bang? How could it have happened?’

She flipped through the channels again. No success. There was almost never anythin’ to watch on TV. She didn’t feel like going outside, either. The air was moist and it was really hot, it would surely rain the next day. She had already checked everythin’ she used to check on the computer. She should call her family, her copy hadn’t done that, so it had been some time since the last call. But since today was Sunday, they should be in church or doin’ somethin’ else “more important”. They could all rot in hell for all she cared, okay, maybe not, they were still her family, but they could at least call her, for the short time she’d been here she’d been the one who called.

She picked up her phone from the table and texted Wilma.

Hey “Best of Shields”, you doing something important? I’m bored.

It didn’t take long for her to answer.

Oh my, you’re bored? Poor “Bravest of Girls”. I better come and offer you my fun elixir, then. 

She rang the doorbell ‘bout 15 minutes later.

“What happened? Did the elevator stuck, or somethin’?” Arbell teased her.

“No, there roads were actually closed, ‘cause some elephant had escaped from some zoo.” They smiled at each other. “No, mom wanted me to turn on the washing machine.”

“At least you came here alive.” They laughed and sat down in the blue-green sofa in the living room. “So, how d’you feel?”

“About this whole Amal Ialad thing? That’s what’s been botherin’ you?” Wilma always knew when she was feelin’ down, and Arbell always knew when Wilma was feelin’ down.

“Doesn’t it bother you? I mean, we were almost killed, it was really close.” She leaned forward and put her elbows on her knees.” I don’t feel like goin’ on more missions, but I know I’ve got no choice. And it’s the right thing to do, right?”

“So this is why you wanted me to come? You’ve could’ve just said so.” Wilma sighed and leaned back. “But yes, ‘course it bothers me. But since I don’t remember it, it feels like it didn’t happen, you know? Are you scared? I’m, too. I bet so is everyone else.”

Silence. Arbell looked at the floor.

“It’s not like you to be this down.” Wilma continued. Arbell looked up and met her eyes.

“I haven’t been this close to death before, you know. It gets your thoughts goin’.”

“I know what you mean. The others must feel the same.” She sighed loudly. “I hate this! It feels so unreal and that copy…These things make my brain all messed up, I tell you.” Arbell laughed.

“You’re not the only one.” She said. “Well! Let’s drop this and go do somethin’ more fun! That’s one of the reasons I wanted you to come, after all.”

“You always surprise me with your mood changes. But thanks to that, I get happy, too. So what do you got in this crappy excuse for an apartment?”